The Sentence You Actually Mean
Here is a paragraph from [document type] for [audience]: [paste]. For each sentence, tell me what claim it is making in plain words a 12-year-old would accept. Then rewrite the paragraph so every sentence makes exactly that claim — no softer, no broader. If a sentence turns out to be making no claim at all, tell me which one and why.
a draft reads fine but sounds like it was written by a committee